My takes on Ways to be obsessed with Twilight
by Tiffany's Hogwarts Secrets
Summary: My version on it. I just got bored and wrote this based off of things my best friend Kitty does. Spoilers for all four books. I'll just add stuff as I go. Bonus thoughts after every 20 ways.
1. Chapter 1

20 ways you know you are obsessed with Twilight

1. You have every item of Twilight from the stores.

2. You named a puppy Jacob.

3. You think someone is a vampire if their skin is cold… even if it is winter

4. You call your friend a space heater if you're cold and they're warm.

5. You think you are giving birth to a half human half vampire when your stomach hurts.

6. You talk about Twilight in CLASS!

7. You want to change your name to Alice

8. You cut your hair to match Alice from the movie

9. You squealed when you heard about Midnight Sun

10. You managed to read all four books in less than a week.

11. You have Bella's lullaby memorized.

12. You quote things from the book everyday

13. You think of Edward when you see a car crash.

14. You wish you died and turned vampy

15. When you heard about everyone's past, you cried

16. You wished Esme and Carlisle were your parents

17. Your absence note for school says "Because It was sunny"

18. During Biology, you hold your nose when your lab partner sits down, and when they ask, you say they smell in a good and bad way

19. You tried to get mugged just so Edward could show up

20. You squeal like a mad man when you see, hear, or think about anything to do with Twilight.


	2. Secrets!

1. Emmett once sang I'm a Barbie Girl, just to see how manly he could be.

2. Rosalie would have drowned in a lake, if not for being vampy, because there was a mirror at the bottom.

3. Alice, Rosalie, and Esme have all had an awesome technique of getting Edward from reading their minds... they imagined Carlisle, Emmett, or Jasper naked. Every single detail. Edward shuddered and whimpered near the girls for weeks.

4. Tanya wears falsies...

5. The reason Edward can't read Bella's thoughts is because she is possibly related to Jacob Black, and her great grandmother is half vampy.

6. Harry Potter is Charlie's nephew.... distantly. Really. Charlie gave birth to this weird Human girl who can't seem to make good friends with NORMAL people...

7. Edward only left Bella in new moon, to see a million of fan girls fawn over him.

8. Jasper is secretly a girl. You know its true, he gets all PMS and MOODSWINGS.

9. Never let Alice play Monopoly. She'll throw you out the window if you suddenly change your mind on buying property in the game.

10. When the word "Clothes" is mentioned, Alice is by your side at an instant, thinking about every opportunity possible for you to wear.

11. Esme and Carlisle like to stay in his office "thinking up productive ways" to show their love

12. Edward learned piano from Beethoven... there is no other way.

13. Carlisle likes to flash his cool sethoscope around.

14. Jacob Black was seen walking stark naked down the halls of Bella's highschool, calling out "Bella, have you seen my pants!?"

15. Edward likes his volvo so much, he actually thought he was invincable, until Emmett punched a hole in to his car.

16. All of the Cullens have laid inside a caskett during their own funeral, and was unburied by another cullen.

*Looks over shoulder* Umm... yikes! *runs away*

Emmett: Get her!!! She's getting away!!!

*Whole Twilight Cast is chasing after this reporter*

Tiffany: Yeah... bye! I'll add 20 more funny fan girl ways in a bit.


	3. Chapter 3

Continued on the 20 ways you know you are obsessed with Twilight;

1. you once saw a volvo and squealed, slamming your face in to their window and scaring the poor driver inside the volvo.

2. You saw murder in the newspaper and decide to say "Hmm.. yes. Carlisle is indeed right. Another newborn attack...." Try saying it to your dad.

3. You bit your boyfriend/girlfriend and when they asked, you said "I want to be with you forever. So die now!"

4. When you got finished with Jacob's pov in Breaking Dawn, you went "THANK THE LORDER." and sighed in relief, but you were scared to continue.

5. You were reciting lines for something very important, and you started quoting something from Twilight.

6. You want to name your child Renessmee.

7. You think you should get a tattoo on your body saying Edward/Jasper/Jacob/Carlisle/Emmett.

8. You want red contacts... or gold!

9. You tried to die from the flu.

10. When you go to the doctor, you demand to see Doctor Carlisle.

11. You tried to drink a cup of blood.

12. You put a pillow in your shirt and when someone asked, you replied you were pregnant with a vampire child, just like Bella.

13. You drooled when the sex scenes were so detailed.

14. You wished your head on Bella's body, just so you could get some action.

15. You have a poster of Edward on your wall directed so that he could "watch you" while you are sleeping.

16. You screamed when Bella started bleeding.

17. You read Twilight Fanfiction...

18. You tried to jump in front of a car, just so Edward could push you from it.

19. Everytime you hear "New Student" you wish it were Bella and then you'd start looking for "5 secluded pale white skinned people" who look like sex gods. (No such luck)

20. You use the expression "died and went to heaven" to "died and became Edward's vampy toy" now.

A/N : All this stuff I wrote, was stuff me and my friends all did or thought about. It is hilarious. I'm not as obsessed, but I find my friends amusing. I'm just mega bored. r&r


	4. MY THOUGHTS

Bonus Thoughts brought to you by Tiffany!

Here's a new thought of things I like to think about when I read Twilight.

1. What would happen if Vampire girls had PMS? *shudders*

2. What the heck is Esme's ability? Mothering? I am honestly confused about that one.

3. What kind of perfume does Bella use?!? Cause she attracts a lot of Vampies to her scent. ((I was laughing about that one))

4. Doesn't it seem... suspicious... that all these vampires are all like "Carlisle! It has been too long my friend" when they meet. It's like he sees them right before they come.

5. Can there be a Bipolar Vampire?

6. Hasn't there ever been a DARK skinned Vampire? ;p it's kind of funny to think about this one.

7. What is Renessmee going to grow up to be like?

8. Can you imagine if Willy Wonka was a vampire? *shudders* scarrrrrryyyy

9. You know what is hilarious...? Edward Cullen's Actor wants to be called Spunk Ransom.

10. I find it ironic about something. I once wrote a random short paragraph about a little girl named Isabella Wing meeting a 16 year old named Edward Cullens. I was cracking up badly, mainly because I had no idea what the freak Twilight was!

11. Didn't you stop to think about something. Edward is like in his 100s now mentally, and Bella is mentally 18 or something... That's like a big age difference. HA and society complains about a 21 year old marrying a 14 year old or something.

12. I really am being random again, but try combining Twilight with Romeo and Juliet. Tell me what you get. Two star struck loves. They die... don't give me a glare. They DIED and became vampires. So there!

13. My best friend thinks the most craziest icons for the characters. Bella - My own suicide. Alice - The all knowing Crystal Ball.

14. When Alice is paid a porsche to babysit Bella, weren't you just GROANING in envy? I'd happily babysit even a grandparent if that's what I get!

15. Jane causes pain indeed. Probably when she was human she could still cause pain. Wanna know how? Someone just had to look at her face.

16. Aro needs a life. He takes pleasure in being a stalker. As in, looking through their every memory!

17. What is better Honeymoon or Baby Vampy? Who knows. WHAT WAS BELLA THINKING.

18. How many tries does it take you to get one of your guy friends to read even the first 3 chapters of Twilight?

I actually think these things when I'm waking up in the morning. Weird, I know. It's just called me. Look up Kurohyou and TAK on youtube and you'll find my series, know just how crazy I am!!!


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